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Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Opposite of Hot...

We all have different tastes or preferences in the fashion choices of the opposite sex.  However, there are some items for men and others for women that are universally just NOT HOT.  In fact, we can't think of a single situation where these wardrobe choices would be considered attractive on members of the opposite sex.  Not even our bf Joel McHale could pull these off:)


The traditional Belgian loafer.  These loafers with a tiny bowtie are favored by East Coast prepsters and Andre 3000 alike. But we just find them to be so incredibly unattractive.  We love driving or horsebit loafers all day long, but something about the Belgian just makes us cringe.

Pleated pants.  WHY are pleats necessary?  They are so universally unflattering.  We have yet to ever see a man who looks better in pleats than in a flat-front pair of pants.

Dark colored oxford shirts.  This is a personal favorite (or least favorite) of mine.  I absolutely detest them and would never take someone in a professional environment seriously if he was wearing one.

Mandals.  We are okay with the Rainbows or Reefs (flip flops only!) but basically all other mens' sandals are bad news!  From Jesus sandals to the orthopedic walking sandals shown below, ick, we just can't handle it!

Short sleeved oxford shirts.  Don't they just scream Office Space?  Bonus points if it is short sleeved AND dark.  If your arms get too hot for sleeves, just wear a polo shirt!

Men in jewelry.  We are okay with a wedding ring, a family or school ring, a watch, and cufflinks, but that is all!  This gold-by-the-inch figaro chain necklace and/or matching bracelet gives us the willies!

Cargo shorts.  Unless you are a carpenter who really needs a hammer loop and easy access to 200 nails, cargo shorts are overkill.

A man in a turtleneck.  Or even better- a mock turtleneck.  Bonus points if he wears it without an undershirt like the LL Bean model here.  Tucked into jeans.  With a fancy brown belt.


The holiday sweater.  We'll give school teachers a free pass on this one, but for the rest of the world, just don't do it!  Decorate your house, decorate your office, but please don't decorate your sweater!

Critter skirts.  Or pants.  We'll admit we loved these back in high school and college.  But they have run their course.  It's time to take the critters "out to the farm." 

Running shoes with jeans.  We love Jen Garner as much as anyone, and we don't yet know the challenges of motherhood (although I will find out soon enough I suppose).  But gosh, how about throwing on some ballet flats!  Nikes with jeans is just not cute at all!

Khaki pants.  We really can't think of a situation where khaki pants look good on women.  There is always a better option, be it jeans, black, etc.  Sorry, Andrea Linett, we just can't do women in khakis!

What would you add to the list? 

14 comments: said...

Lol, right?! So funny and oh so true;)


Anonymous said...

Those who spend time in the outdoors climbing, hiking, and boating wear "mandles" and cargo shorts fairly regularly in the summer and I think they look just fine.

central bark designs said...

LOVE the list! Made me smile!

VogueOntheRange said...

Awww, no love for the critters? You're probably right, but can I dress my kiddos in them? 100% agree on everything else though! You go girls!

The Matters of Style Girls said...

Vogue, we will give you critters on the kiddos. That can definitely be cute!

Pink Martini said...

I think you've nailed them all. :)

Mrs.LifeAccounts said...

Gotta say, I absolutely disagree on the dark oxford shirts. I've seen MANY dark oxford shirts with stripes, pinstripes or even solid colors that looked great with darker pants (particularly gray). To be perfectly honest, I think men who stick to white and blue are absolutely boring and look way out-dated. Also, cargo shorts are about the only thing that I like on a guy....what are their other options? Shorts minus the pockets are always WAY TOO SHORT, athletic shorts are only appropriate for working out and athletics and denim shorts are a complete and utter NO. Most guys may not be carpenters but nearly all guys use the side cargo pockets on a routine basis.

California Girl said...

I would like to add Hawaiian shirts (they are NOT dress attire, contrary to the beliefs of many Californians) and mens fitted shirts that are decorated with Asian designs, screen printed or embroidered. For women, open toe shoes or sandles on unpedicured feet. Toes don't have to be painted, but come on, feet and toes should look clean and maintained. I love the list!!!!

inthetweeds said...

Hilarious! I think you hit the nail on the head with this list (especially the man jewelry, eww). I had to toss the hubs' solid oxford shirts - so not attractive at all. I'd like to add those awful Ed Hardy/Christian Audigier shirts and hats to the men's list! And let's not forget screen-printed ties! - ties should be have a woven pattern!

Lalla said...

I have to agree with Mrs.LifeAccounts about the dark shirts - I think dark shirts can look great on a guy! I think it does probably depend on the guy and his style though and what works for him. Same goes with the cargo shorts on for some guys but not for others!

Starfish and Sundresses said...

This list is TOO funny! I completely agree with everything you've listed! I would like to add solid black ties (in the office) to the list. Several guys in my office continuously wear dark oxfords and either a white tie or a dark tie neither are attractive!

Blackeyed Susan said...

This is great! The world would be so much better without cargo pants and gelled hair! hahaha

I don't think I have ever seen a man in a turtleneck in person...scary!

Anonymous said...

I would add tassel loafers on guys. Can't stand them. I agree on everything else except for the cargo shorts, which I think look good on some guys.

Ginabee said...

black socks w/ shorts. or any socks for that matter. I HATE when guys wear that! ugh how about tights as pants.

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